Prelude

I decided to apply with a temp agency to see if they can help me get a permanent job. I called this place and this was our previous conversation

Me: Hi, I just moved to Santa Barbara and I’d like to set up a time to apply with your company.

S.E.G.*: Ummm, yeah are you looking for temp or permanent work?

Me: Either one.

S.E.G.: Ummm, yeah, have you been to our website?

Me: Yes, I have.

S.E.G.: Ok, fill out the application ad let’s meet on Wednesday at 2:00pm.

Me: Ok, that sounds good.

S.E.G.: Ummm, yeah are you looking for temp or permanent work?

Me: Either one (didn’t I just answer this?).

S.E.G. Ok see you then, bye. (click)

So Wednesday, I Google directions, because the oh so helpful lady gave me none and I set out for my appointment. I drive there and I can’t find it. I drive in circles forever and I with each loop I’m more and more frustrated and pissed. Isn’t it good customer service to give directions or ask if I know how to get there? I said I just moved here…HELLO. I finally cave and I call Zach to Google the directions. He does and they are the exact same as I wrote down. Now I’m even more pissed and I’m about to be late. Zach gives me the number for the office and I call the girl and I ask for directions. She asks if I’m in the area. I respond that I am and she says, “Well, we’re a big glass building with windows and I have pink flowers on my desk and I’m staring out the front window.”

I take a deep breathe so I don’t say something snotty and I ask for the cross streets and building number. She gives it to me and AHA, it’s not the same address that was on the website. Now I feel less stupid but just as mad because any good employee would have given the address if it was different from what’s on the website.

I get there and again I’m mad because the so called “big glass building” is a two story gray stucco building with big windows…big difference honey.

Act I

Setting: Temp office. Big room with windows on one side. Two desks face the window separated by a thin piece of wood about 4 ft tall. Two empty desks face the opposite way separated by another thin piece of wood. Two feet from those empty desks are two small rooms. One with three ancient computers and one with a big filing cabinet, supplies, and a printer. Three small offices line the opposite end of the room, all with open doors.

Me: (Enter the office and notice dishearteningly that the girl about to help me is slouched so far down in her seat that her chin is level with her mouse) Good morning! I have an appointment with Sarah.

S.E.G.: Uh, yeah, that’s me.

Me: (Smile while I clench my teeth and will myself not to make allusions to her job performance based on her posture, lack of directions, and obviously inadequate knowledge of what constitutes a “big glass building”)

S.E.G. So, what kind of job are you looking for?

Me: Intelligent response showing I’m open to a variety of possibilities all the while underlining my skills and abilities.

S.E.G.: Ummm, yeah are you looking for temp or permanent work?

Me: Either one (how many times do i have to answer this…is she listening at all?).

S.E.G.: Ok and do you have a resume.

Me: Yes I do, (hand her my resume) and I also filled out the online application.

S.E.G.: Ok, let me have you answer some questions and then watch a video.

Me: (The two phone calls you answered were about your address and directions because people can’t FIND IT and I really hope that ESP will help you to find me a job in addition to those three in depth, probing questions you just asked me)

Act II

I’m led to the room with the ancient computers and I start to answer the questions. How would I characterize my use of meth, how would I characterize my use of marijuana, how often does my recreational use of drugs make me late for work, if I was low on money how likely is it I wold fake a work related injury to get worker’s comp. These are actual questions, I’m not making them up. I’m hopeful I aced the test but some of my companions may not have.

As she starts up the video for me I say:

Me: Your website gives a different location for the office, have you recently moved (tilt head and look innocent)?

S.E.G.: Umm, yeah we moved like three months ago.

Me: Oh, that’s why when I looked up directions it gave me your old place (smile and blink sweetly).

S.E.G.: Yeah, someone should tell them we’ve moved.

Me: (Ya’ think?)

Act III

I sit at one of the empty desks to complete paperwork and I overhear this conversation:

S.E.G. 2: Is t-h-r-u a word? I can’t ever remember if it is or isn’t.

Me: (Please tell me she’s kidding)

S.E.G. 3: Um, I don’t know.

S.E.G. 2: Yeah me neither because I use it all the time, but I’m not sure.

S.E.G. 3: I know, me too.

Me: (Really? Are they really not kidding?)

S.E.G. 2: Well, I don’t know if it’s thru or threw, but it just seems weird, you know?

S.E.G. 3: Yeah. What’s the sentence?

S.E.G. 2: I need to send the paperwork thru/threw your office.

Me: (Is velocity or gravity involved in this transaction? Did you toss the paperwork? Is anything flying through the air? )

S.E.G. 3: Hmmm, yeah I don’t know.

S.E.G. 2: Me neither.

Four minutes pass

S.E.G. 2: Ok, well I just used through and it’s probably all wrong and I’m sure I’ll look like a total idiot, I mean who uses through, but whatever.

Me: (Please tell me how your job is to find me a job when you can’t handle elementary school grammar? How are you employed and I’m not? )

* S.E.G. stand for Stupid Employed Girl…and yes, I’m just slightly bitter.