Here is a pretty typical conversation Zach and I have:

Zach: Vida!

Me: what?

Zach: That was mean.

Vida: No it wasn’t.

Zach: Yes, it was.

Vida: What? I was just saying…

I was just saying, is my phrase for “it may sting but it’s the truth.”

Now that I’m 26 and 3 quarters I’ve decided I have a few philosophies about life. One of which is that people would rather know, than not know. If I’m being really honest though, it’s actually that I’d rather know than not know, so I feel it’s my duty to let other people know.

Does that make any sense?

Example: If I am walking around in the dark wouldn’t it be nice to have someone point out where the light switch is? I think so.

In the past yearish I’ve discovered that some people don’t appreciate having the light switch pointed out, they’d rather fumble in the dark or stand around complaining that it’s dark but not bother trying to find the switch.

I don’t get that, I really don’t. What’s more, I have a really hard time keeping quiet about where the light switch is.

You feel me Knocking? Are you picking up what I’m putting down? Are you hip to my jive? Comprendes mendes?

Let’s say you’re my friend Lulu Belle and you’re such a sweet person but you seem to make the worst choices when it comes to men. So you’re dating some crappy guy who makes you cry 54% of the time, makes you mad 37% of the time, and happy 9% of the time. And you call me all the time to complain about this guy and you don’t know what to do, and you’re so confused, and why does this always happen to you, etc. etc.

Here’s the part where I seem to get in trouble.

So I say, “Lulu Belle, people will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. If you continue to allow him to treat you like crap, HE WILL.” I also tell Lulu Belle about how she deserves so much more, and how she’s an amazing person and it would be better to have no one than someone who’s a jerk, and she’ll be just fine on her own and blah blah blah.

What’s crazy is that I’ve come to realize not everyone appreciates me saying this stuff. Yeah, I know. I’m just as blown away as you are.
My definition of the truest friend is one who will tell you the truth no mater what, especially when you don’t want to hear it. It’s a trait that I value most in my relationship with my mother and it’s why I trust her implicitly. She’s always going to tell me what she thinks, but I always know she’s being honest. Consequently, in my relationships I try to be as honest as possible even when that means saying harsh things.

What’s interesting is that my sister doesn’t subscribe to the same school of thought (yes, I’m always shocked to learn that not everyone thinks the same way I do). She tries to really be aware of other people’s feelings and waits for them to ask her opinion, before she says something. She thinks about whether or not it’s her “place” to say something and if she’s close enough to say something. Let’s note the caveat of “she tries” because while we may think about things differently, ingrained in our genes is the burning desire to say whatever comes across our minds.

It’s interesting because as she and I talk more and more, I see a different perspective on things which allows me to view what I’m saying through another lens. Zach’s always telling me I’m being mean because I’m too blunt sometimes and even though my commentary may be true, it’s not always my place to say something. Not just with my faux friend Lulu Belle and her man trouble, but with all aspects of life. And before you saying anything, I acknowledge that some people (me included) just need to vent once in awhile but there is a difference between venting about your job every now and then and everyday complaining about how you aren’t challenged.

I guess I’ve always been grateful for people who said, “Vida, you’re being stupid.”

I’m glad people said to me “At some point you need to take responsibility for your actions, ” or “Vida, pull your head out.” People who didn’t allow me feel sorry for myself, but told me that I was the only one who could change things.

I’m learning that not everyone values that. Some people just want you to lie to them, or to gloss over things, or to just be happy for them or sad with them. They don’t want solutions. Some people also don’t want you to comment if you don’t have anything nice to say, but I think that’s unrealistic.

What’s strange is that I can actually say I lost a friend because of that. Which I have totally mixed feelings about. I’m learning and growing and working towards being the best me I can possibly be, but that’s all I’m willing to do. I’m not willing to totally change who I am and I have to know that that’s going to exclude certain people from my life. Still, it’s sad.

It’s something I need to work on. Knowing when it’s my job to say something and when it’s not. The Bible talks about it being our job to lead a Christian life and to love other people, but it’s God’s job to change their hearts (or their own job to listen to Him). It’s hard to put that into play. It’s hard to not say something or to just let people do things that hurt themselves or sit back and watch the train wreck you know will happen. But I do understand that while I may always have an opinion, it doesn’t mean I need to voice it. I know I’m not the end all be all and I know I don’t have all the answers. I have plenty of areas in my life that I need to focus on and work on and frankly might be able to use the guiding words of some one else who’s been there.

So I’ll balance. A word I’m sick of hearing, but fitting. A little more restraint in the opinion giving column, a little less verbiage in the pop off at the mouth, say what I’m thinking column.

On the other hand, I can’t sit idly by while someone moans out woe is me..why does it always happen to me. Because, if you want to know why, I’ll tell you why….I’m just saying