1. People Feel Free To Talk To Me About My Sex Life, Sort Of.

Yeah, let’s not talk about sexy baby. Now that I’ve been married a whopping 2 and half weeks people have decided to make comments about my sex life. They never come out and say it, but they somehow feel free to make idiotic innuendos.

“I was going to call you last night but I was afraid you’d be busy, hehehe, busy.�

I’m 25, not 5. We can discuss sex like adults, not wagging eyebrows and drawn out “ooooooohhhhhh yeeeeeaaaaahhh, I bet you guys made a mess last night� When I say we made a mess, I mean we made a mess. You know dishes and clutter. Not lubricant and whipping cream. Just say, “Hey, did you guys have sex last night?� We’ll answer, yeah twice. But that’s the adult thing, not “heeeeeyyyyy how’s married life..he he he, wink wink nudge nudge, maaaaarrrrriieeed life.�

 

2. Goodbye Smoky Joe

Zach is quitting smoking. That’s right. After he chewed his first piece of Nicorette gum I asked him how it was and he said, “Fine, can I have a cigarette now.� He doesn’t feign for the nicotine, he just wants to French kiss the filter because he loves smoking in and of itself.

Instead of nagging him, I’ve instead opted to sing this song. It’s by Weasley and it’s called Cigarettes vs. Kisses.

STOP, stop smoking cigarettes and START, start blowing kisses (more…)