Growing up, I never heard the phrase, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.�    
It’s not that my family was mean or rude, we just understood the undeniable truth that sometimes things need to be said that aren’t pleasant to hear. It’s one of the biggest things I respect about my family.  I know that no matter what, they’re going to be honest with me, even if I don’t want to hear it.

That knowledge has given me an overwhelming sense of security.  It has also given me an overwhelming pain in my ass.

Growing up, I learned pretty quickly not to ask “how do I look� unless I already felt really confident in my outfit.  How do I look was replied with phrases like, “what would make you think that those two things would even go together,� “I’m sorry I didn’t know it was Halloween already,� and my personal favorite, “you know if pay a little more they might give you an entire skirt.�

I’ll never forget coming home for Christmas one year and as I greet my mom in the airport she hugs me and the very first thing out of her mouth is, “Good lord what did you do to your hair?�   Another favorite of mine is when I asked her if I looked ok in a sweater I was going to wear.  She says, “well, it looks ok considering horizontal stripes are not flattering on you since you have shoulders like a linebacker, but it’d look really cute on your sister.�

There’s nothing you can say to that.  Really, you just shake your head and either take off the sweater and throw it at your sister’s head or wear it all day hunching over trying to hide your monstrous shoulders.

It sounds bad, but really it’s not.  It just means that I grew up knowing the truth.  I also grew up being able to handle criticism and knowing when to take someone’s advice and when to tell them to shove it.  It also means that when my mom said I looked nice, or something looked good on me, I knew it really did. I never worried that she was just saying that or trying to spare my feelings or placate me. I could always trust what she said.

What I’m wearing is minor, but my mom’s philosophy was applied to all areas of my life.  I can’t count how many times she told me I was making bad decisions, I was ruining what I had worked so hard for, and sometimes that I just had my head up my ass.  That can be pretty harsh coming from the woman who birthed you, but while it stung in the beginning, I appreciate it so much now.  I always can count on her to be honest with me.

The problem is, that honesty doesn’t really translate to other people.  Most other people I’ve met didn’t grow up that way.  So when they ask me a question and I answer with my honest opinion.  They look at me like I’m some sort of freak.

“Do you think it’s bad if I XYZ?” 

“No it’s not bad.  It’s awful.  Why on earth would any person with cognitive abilities think that would be a good idea?�

It’s a problem. And could explain why I can count my real friends on one hand. 

Lately it has become apparent to me that there are some people who actually don’t want to know the truth.  If they are doing something stupid, and they ask you about it, they really don’t want to hear anything other than positive reinforcement.  I understand that someone may disagree with another person’s assessment of their actions, but disagreeing is one thing.  Refusing to listen because it’s not what you want to hear is something else.  

Yeah, it’s something else called stupid.

I guess I just don’t understand why people would rather be fed lines of crap as long as it’s what they want to hear.

Ooooo yummy.  I know you are shoveling forkfuls of steaming dog poo into my mouth, but since you labeled it as mashed potatoes I’ll keep eating it up.  We both know they’re no potatoes, but it’s what I want to hear, so look at the grin on my face.

In what alternate universe did we start wanting to hear lies because they are easier to take.  Since when is it acceptable to ignore the truth because you don’t like it. The truth is not always easy.  Sometimes it sucks.  Sometimes you have to admit that you are doing something stupid or that you have done something wrong, and that’s never easy.  But isn’t it better to know that, than to walk around and either not know or pretend you don’t know? 

Jack Nicholson is a liar…we can handle the truth. 

It’s just whether or not we want to.