I don’t have any plants, any pets, any kids. As soon as you meet me you realize I’m not a nurturer. I kill all types of vegetation, I don’t even have silk plants. Things that need constant attention like a dog or cat are an annoyance to me. It goes without saying that I don’t do feces. I’d be the kind of mom who would leave the store saying, “I know I’m forgetting something. I’ve got my purse, my keys, my sunglasses, but I thought I came in with something else….� Kids don’t match the décor in my house.

Slightly humorous, but completely true which makes it a little sad.

Not sad like starving Romanian baby sad, but sad like when you meet someone who has never tasted something, like say the joy that is Coca Cola. If I met someone who had never had a Coke, I’d feel bad, like they were missing out on a fundamental part of life. Sure they got along ok so far, but they were deprived of serious happiness. Once I show them what they have been missing, they’re going to realize what a sad existence they really live. That kind of sad…a hole in their life sad.

So what happens when you think your life is good, you’re going along thinking to yourself how lucky you are, how great your life is and then something happens and shows you something you’ve been missing but never knew. Like walking into a store and seeing fabulous chartreuse shoes on sale and thinking to yourself, “Wow I never knew I needed these, but now that I am going to buy them, my life feels just a little more complete.� I’ve recently had that happen to me, not the shoe thing…that happens all the time, but the unknown hole thing that was filled.

I didn’t get a plant or pet and sweet mother there is no kid, but I definitely had a hole filled. Wretch, heave, gag me with a spoon…I fell in love and found capitol T capitol O, The One. Lucky me, I wasn’t looking for it, didn’t feel like I needed it, and if you would have offered me a free sample of love, I would have politely declined. All that said, my unknown hole was found and immediately filled. But that’s not the problem.

 

Filled holes aren’t problems,

they’re not even holes.

Unfilled holes are the problem.

 

When your life sucks you can only focus on one little problem at a time and just try to get by, but when life is good and you are, as an early nineties rapper would say “holdin’ it down.� You have time to think about stupid crap like your purpose in life. So know that I’ve got a good job and a stable life and a mate that other women would sell their shoes collections for, I’m faced with this scary blank canvas. This life that says…you have amazing potential …do something with me. I know I am capable of doing good, not great, but good things with my life and it scares that crap out of me that I won’t be able to live up to my potential. People all around me are fulfilling their destinies, achieving their purposes in life or at least starting. I have all these truly amazing things that I don’t even come close to deserving, but now that I have all my needs met, there’s nothing left to focus on but me. In one arm I’ve got my no plants, no pets, no kids sign and in the other I’ve got my family, my job, my love, basically my freaking awesome life and I sit on the edge of my great big me hole swinging my dangling legs and wondering how I’m supposed to fill it.